Scientist

完成現階段的任務，開心嗎？或許？三萬九千字，200多個參考文獻，無法想像自己究竟是如何辦到的。挺enjoy中間的某些過程、某些點點滴滴，不斷的累積，但仍然覺得not good enough，也無法認為自己究竟有多努力?哈，不夠努力吧！完美主義的特質又亂七八糟的跳了出來搗亂了，果然難以沉醉現階段的成果，不過終於意識到自己懂更多了，是大豐收。

開始意識到自己的渺小，的確比灰塵還微不足道，當一個螺絲抑或一顆棋子究竟能貢獻什麼？能決定什麼？又是一個沒有任何情緒反應爆發的衝突點，阿，習慣了，不過現在倒是站得越來越穩了。一樣的，仍然無法理解某些。沒有任何充足的證據，只憑某些片段的蛛絲馬跡去做一個偉大的推論，又試著說服我、希望我相信的這種行為究竟有何意義？OK! You are a scientist, but I am not! Yeah, it's true!

心理比誰都清楚，身為一個學生必須服崇和相信，只好心不甘情不願矯情的裝飾自己，把那些推論偽裝成自己的信仰，這是一種糟糕又必然的行為，唉，怨恨自己生在此地的可悲！

是我的海

是我的海 [蘇打綠]



是我的海 陽光的下午慢慢感染
當海不藍 飛起的夢想都變塵埃

是我的海 寂靜的下午默默離開
海也不藍 轉過身不能再寵愛我多想大聲喊
我多不想明白我只想唱來一些溫暖 在我們心裡不會腐壞

--
早已厭倦莫名的一切，毀壞腐敗的部份也已來不及、也無能為力拯救，隨著環境隨波逐流，早已化為塵埃。滿地散著陌生花，人們口裡妄為地揣測或評論，一張張臉孔再也熟悉不起來。難到只能眼睛睜大著看著可笑又可悲的世界嗎？乾脆關閉起來算了。喔，我走了，很簡單，默默離開。

最近的這些日子中，在大家都睡去的房間裡聽了好多好多首歌曲，悄悄地把自己埋進自己堆砌的角落，是我的海。拎著自己的桀驁，不想在寂靜的房子裡找到安靜，不想在吵雜的環境裡找尋熱鬧，不需要掛上任何以面示人的臉孔，換上任何表情都無所謂。

還好，其實這樣的日子並不太糟。少了偽善武裝的狼狽，臉上的表情獲得完整的自由。無論如何難堪，身邊仍有些人不吝惜地給個擁抱，給些溫暖，即使海已不藍，但不再輕易地繼續摔執、腐壞。

Turn

[Turn] Travis

I want to see what people saw
I want to feel like I felt before
I want to see the kingdom come
I want to feel forever young
I want to sing To sing my song
I want to live in a world where I belong
I want to live I will survive
And I believe that it won't be very long
If we turn, turn, turn, turn, turn
Then we might learn So where's the stars?
Up in the sky And what's the moon?
A big balloon?
We'll never know unless we grow
There's so much world outside the door
I want to sing To sing my song
I want to live in a world where
I'll be strong I want to live
I will survive
And I believe that it won't be very long
If we turn, turn, turn, turn And if we turn, turn, turn, turn
Then we might learn Turn, turn, turn, turn Turn, turn, turn
And if we turn, turn, turn, turn
Then we might learn Learn to turn

I know I have turned.
失望。厭倦。悲傷。狂妄。偏離。
這些已經離我而去。
所處的環境中，獨樹似乎沒有存在的價值。
只好屈服。退讓。妥協。
該為自己現在的一切感到失望嗎？
Maybe not

It's good to know...

[Writing To Reach You] Travis

Every day I wake up and it's Sunday
Whatever's in my eye won't go away
The radio is playing all the usual
And what's a wonderwall anyway

Because my inside is outside
My right side's on the left side
Because I'm writing to reach you now but
I might never reach you
Only want to teach you
About you
But that's not you

It's good to know that you are home for Christmas
It's good to know that you are doing well
It's good to know that you all know I'm hurting
It's good to know I'm feeling not so well

Because my inside is outside
My right side's on the left side
Because I'm writing to reach you now but
I might never reach you
Only want to teach you about you
But that's not you
Do you know it's true
But that won't do

Maybe then tomorrow will be Monday
And whatever's in my eye should go away
But still the radio keeps playing all the usual
And what's a wonderwall anyway

Because my inside is outside
My right side's on the left side
Cause I'm writing to reach you now but
I might never reach you
Only want to teach you

About you
But that's not you
Do you know it's true
But that won't do
And you know it's you
I'm talking to

Sign

[Sign] Mr. Children


孤傲的躲在房間角落，看著相同的風景，再一次，papers又散亂在床上各個角落，再一次，又繼 續填補缺漏，跟以往一樣繼續寫著陳腔濫調，一樣脫離不了巢臼的束縛，一樣一樣，一切都一 樣，真想撕吼，劃破空氣冰冷的沉默。

唉，又是個喝著茶、聽小孩先生唱歌的一天，真希望有些什麼可以為這平淡無趣又平靜的日子畫 下一個美麗的符號。日子過得快到我幾乎感覺不到它的存在，不知不覺已到了這個地步，腦袋中 不斷浮出意料之外的想像，或許這些都是過多的奢求，貪心總是遠比預期的還要多。惱火。